Talk Show
by Jazzy1
Summary: A famous talk show host is at Hogwarts to interview Draco, Herm, Ron, and Harry! Warning: ghetto/Gangsta Ron and Preppy Harry *complete.*


Talk Show! ( Warning : Extremely crazy!)

            Maria was coming to Hogwarts! She was one of the biggest talk show hosts ever! And she was coming here! Also the best thing of all was that she was interviewing Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger! 

            Today was the day of the show and Ron and Harry were really nervous. They were sitting in the Great Hall discussing the show when Draco Malfoy came up to them.

            "Nervous?" ask Draco coolly.

"No. You?' Ron lied.

            " You wish," said Draco. " Well if you are, I hear that there's a potion to cure nervousness. If you want to look it up it's in out potions book. Pg. 345"

" How would you know?  Are you using it?" asked Harry.

            " No. If you must know Potter, I did a report on it for extra credit for Snape." Said Draco before walking away. 

" Should we try it?" asked Harry.

            " What have we got to loose?" said Ron.

" Good point." Said Harry.

             They ran up to their dorm and dug out their potion books, and turned to the page that Draco had directed. But it was all in Latin!

            " That little rat! He never told us it was is Latin!" said Harry.

" Well the ingredients are English. We could just mix them together and hope for the best!" said Ron.

            " But if it goes wrong?" said Harry.

" IF it goes wrong we just won't show up! I mean if we grow horns or something we'll be in the hospital wing the whole time!" Said Ron.

            "Alright, let's do this!" said Harry.

They mixed all the ingredients and drank the potion. They ran downstairs to meet Hermione in the common room.

            " You two still nervous" asked Hermione.

" Naw" said Ron. "We got this potion and we feel totally coo'" 

" Good they want us on stage" said Hermione.

            " right now?" asked Harry.

" NO. In 30 year" said Hermione sarcastically.

            " I don't think I'll be in school in 30 years Hermione. Tell them that just won't fit my schedule," said Harry seriously. 

" Harry, I was being sarcastic."

            " Oh. I knew that!" said Harry.

" Come on yo! Let's roll out!" said Ron.

             Hermione looked at Ron strange, cause he was talking funny. But followed him out of the portrait hole anyway. They walked outside to the quittich field where the stage was set up. They waited backstage. Maria walked on stage.

            " Omg! There she is!" Hermione whispered excited.

" Oh cool!" said Harry in a high preppy voice. He was really scaring Hermione.

" Hello Hogwarts! I'm your host Mariah! Welcome to ' Talk to me!' Voted #1 talk show in teen witch magazine! Today we will be talking to Draco Malfoy! One of Harry Potter's archenemies! "

            The crowd applauded as Draco Malfoy walked on stage waving.

" Also Hermione Granger, one of Harry Potter's best friends!"

            Again the crowed cheered as Hermione walked on stage.

" We have Harry Potters Best best friend Ronald Weasley!"

            The audience clapped as Ron strutted a gangster walk on stage. He was wearing baggy jeans, jersey, and an upside down backwards visor. He sat down slouched and with his legs wide open.

            " Okaay. And now Harry Potter!"

The crowed went wild as Harry Potter literally _skipped_ on stage! He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a kitty t-shirt. He sat down cross-legged.

            " Hello everyone! Now before we begin, tell us a little about your selves!" said Maria. " You 1st Draco"

            "Well, I'm in Slytherin house. In my 6th yr. I'm single. And I want to study Dragons." Said Draco.

            " Again, my name is Hermione Granger. My parents are both muggles. I enjoy reading. I'm in Gryffindor house, 6th yr. I'm dating Bulgarian seeker Victor Krum. And I want to be a Hogwarts teacher."said Hermione.

            " Yo, Yo, Z'up! I'm Ron Weasley. Representin' Gry-fin-dor Holla! In my 6th yr. I'm a world class playa! So I'm always available to all you fly shortys. I plan on working for So-so def! Holla!"said Ron.

            " Like, Hello!"said Harry waving and giggling. " I'm Harry J. Potter.  I'm single. I defeated the dark lord when I was like,um, little! Also last year, so he's gone! I'm in the same yr. And house as Ron! And I want to be a fashion designer!! Yay!"

            Draco was about to fall out of his chair in laughter at this. His little trick was working perfectly!

            " Now, I have some questions to ask you all from fans. 

- Harry

How scary was it defeating the dark lord last yr.?

- Your biggest fan Tierra"

" Defeating who?" asked Harry stupidly.

           " You-know-who dufus!" said Draco.

" NO, I don't know who! Or I wouldn't have asked who Malfoy! Duh!" said Harry.

           " Let' s just move on. – Hermione 

I really need a good book to read. What would you recommend? –Jenny"

" I would recommend ' The life of Merlin'. It's and excellent biography! The author is a genius!" said Hermione.

            Maria said " – Ron. What are you feeling on Hermione? – Mark"

" Ooh G! Let me think. Ah she's annoying! BUT! She is one fly chick." Said Ron checking her out. " I'd give her a 7. But, she a'int for me dawg!"

           " Ronald Weasley!" said Hemione.

" Chill out girl! I'm just tellin' it how it is!"Ron.

           Hermione got up and slapped him. " I refuse to put up with this. Thank you for having me on the show Maria, but I'm LEAVING!" she stormed of stage. 

           Ron yelled " I'll holla at you tonight" He started laughing.

" Excuse me but what's so funny?" asked Maria.

           "Nothin'. She's one crazy chick!" said Ron.

" Let' s just keep going. – Draco. If you **_HAD_** to date someone in Gryfindor, who would it be? –Patricia"

           " Probably, Ginny Weasley." Said Draco.

" What! Dawg, You better keep yo' eyes off my sista!" said Ron.

           " Or what? Mr. I wanna be ghetto!"Draco.

"Or else this!" Ron got up with his fist up.

           Harry jumped up and held Ron back. " Now Ron, Violence is never the answer to any problem. Sit down. You can deal with this later." Said Harry.

            Ron sat down. " Fine. I'll see you outside at 8'o clock Malfoy. No wands!"

" I'll be there." Said Draco.

           " Ok, this next question is from Lindsay.  Dear Harry, What do like to do in you free-time?"

           " Hmmm. Well I normally design clothes, make up cheers, write songs, or dance to my Brittany Spears CD!"said Harry. " Wanna see a dance!"

Harry got up and started to dance to ' I'm a slave for U'. It was actually pretty good. And most girls were swooning. When the song was over he happily skipped back to his seat and sat down.

           " This next question is from Hilary. – Ron will you sing for us?"

" Sure girl!" said Ron. He got up and a heavy beat started playing. He started rapping. He really stunk at it to.

                                  " YO, yo, yo ,yo, yo. Like z'up foo' you think you own school . Ya can't get a girl, You got the brain of a squirrel. And at 8'oclock yo gonna reget ever looking at shorty named Ginny. I 'm gonn knock you to the ground and make you eat dirt. You good for not'in son of a gun." " Representin' holla!"

           He sat back down.

" riiight.  This one was to Hermione, but she' not here. So to the next one. – Draco. How can you be soooo hot? – mary"

           " What can I say. It's natural some people are just blessed. Unlike those poor souls who are cursed to look like Ron." Said Draco.

           Ron jumped up again. " You wanna go Malfoy! I'll take you on right now! C'mon!"

           " Sit down Weasley, before you get hurt."said Draco Coolly. 

" Naw. Bring it on!" said Ron.   
           " Fine, I didn't want to do this in front of everyone." With one swift blow Draco knocked Ron too the ground. He smirked. " Maybe next time you won't be so stupid and you'll shut up." Ron didn't say anything and just sat down.

           Maria was getting Reaaaly irritated. She yelled " IF IT'S ALRIGHT WITH YOU I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE! THIS IS NOT JERRY SPRNIGER!!"         

           " Who's Jerry springer?" asked Draco.

" Never mind that! Now Harry sean would like to know who do you like?"

           " Brittany spears she's my idol!" said Harry.

" Yeah, Draco – Melanie wants to know why your always so mean to people?'

While Draco answered the question the potions started to wear off. When Ron and Harry saw what they were wearing they ran off the stage screaming.

           " I GIVE UP!" yelled Maria. " I QUIT!" She threw her flash cards and stormed off stage. Draco just walked off since he was the only one on stage.

             THE END!

A/N: Sorry I'm REALLY sugar high! Reviews are appreciated any way!


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